oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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