I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
try to milk me bitch
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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