He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
