don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
