No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
