Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
