Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
