Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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