WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
