She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
