id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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