The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
