I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
