Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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