Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
