Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize