I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
