Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
