just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
