mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
