i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize