It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
