So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
