On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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