Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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