were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
