Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
