A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
