I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
