Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Houston, we have a squirter
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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