I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm too high and old for this...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize