I hope mine doesn't look like that
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
