Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
