I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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