Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
