My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
