Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
