i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
