We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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