I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
