I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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