I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
