I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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