i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
