rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize