you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
