haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
