How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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