You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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