8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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