there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
