my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
