Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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