Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
