it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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