You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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