Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
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