I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
