I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
