Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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