why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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