I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
