Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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