Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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