my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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