I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
