I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Randomize
