...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
