When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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