talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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