can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
