To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize