If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
