She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
