Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
