she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
